🌀"BREAKING: Government Shutdown Declares Itself Performance Art"

Dispatches from the Slacktivist Rebellion

In a bold act of interpretive dysfunction, the U.S. government shutdown has officially rebranded itself as an immersive theater piece titled Democracy: The Slow Collapse. Now entering Day 10, federal agencies are no longer offering services—they’re offering vibes.

The Department of Health and Human Services is staging a silent protest by replacing all phone trees with ambient whale sounds. The IRS is handing out blank W-2s and calling it “audience participation.” Meanwhile, Congress is locked in a budgetary staring contest, with no winner in sight.

“We’re not furloughed,” said one federal worker. “We’re just method acting.”

Slacktivists across the country are responding with zines, memes, and mutual aid spreadsheets. “If the government’s going to collapse, we might as well make it beautiful,” said @RadicalTeaParty, who’s organizing a shutdown-themed art show called Unfunded Mandates & Glitter.

Closing Transmission

Democracy may be broken, but the people are still creating.

The shutdown isn’t fake—it’s just fabulously reimagined.