🎭"AI Actor Sparks Hollywood Meltdown"

Dispatches from the Slacktivist Rebellion

AI “actor” Tilly Norwood has triggered an existential crisis in Hollywood. With flawless cheekbones and zero need for lunch breaks, she’s starring in five films simultaneously—and not one of them includes a soul clause.

Stars are demanding contracts that protect their emotional range and facial microexpressions. “She’s perfect,” said one producer. “No ego, no union, no humanity.”

Slacktivists responded with a film festival called Uncanny Valley Girl, featuring human-only performances, glitch poetry, and a panel titled Can a Robot Cry in French?

“We’re not anti-AI,” said Whoopi Goldberg. “We just want our humanity back.”

Closing Transmission

The future of film isn’t synthetic—it’s soulful.

Let the bots write scripts.

We’ll write truth.