🛑Government Shutdown Enters Day 20, Declares Itself a Wellness Retreat

Dispatches from the Slacktivist Rebellion

The federal government has been shut down for 20 days and counting—making it the third-longest in U.S. history. Congress calls it a budgetary impasse. Slacktivists call it a forced sabbatical from dysfunction.

National parks are closed. Military paychecks are frozen. But the vibes? Immaculate. “We’re treating this shutdown like a wellness retreat,” said @RestIsRebellion. “No emails. No urgency. Just naps and mutual aid.”

“Shutdowns aren’t new,” said one organizer. “But this one feels like a cosmic reset.”

Closing Transmission

Democracy may be paused, but the rebellion is wide awake.